Help
by totalizzyness
Summary: Castiel has been avoiding Dean for a good reason, but he can't avoid him forever. He has a job to do. - Season 8 spoilers (ish)


Castiel's orders echoed through his mind; literally for all he knew. Dean's prayers also echoed through his mind, once an evening, sometimes even two or three prayers on bad nights. Castiel hated ignoring him, hated the sound of desperation in the righteous man's voice; but he'd ignored his prayers in purgatory and he'd ignore them now; it was for Dean's safety, after all. He feared he wasn't strong enough to resist. Naomi's order was precise: kill Dean Winchester. Samandriel had already lost his life because Cas wasn't strong enough, he didn't want Dean to suffer the same fate.

Knowing Dean, he'd sacrifice himself. He'd understand. It broke Castiel's heart even more to think Dean would die for him, die by his own hand.

So he stayed away. He avoided people; he'd found a nice uninhabited island off the coast of Indonesia where he stayed, with only the wildlife to keep him company. He'd thought about contacting Kevin, or Garth, even Benny in hopes of relaying a message to the Winchesters, but wasn't sure if Naomi would allow it, or if they'd be killed before the message reached Sam or Dean. Castiel was a liability to anyone he once knew. He wished he'd been left in purgatory, left to atone for his sins, not make more.

He was sure his father was gone. He'd always retained a small slither of hope he was still around somewhere, but there was no way his father would allow this. No way he'd ask him to kill the man he loved; and not just any man, the Righteous Man. The man who'd stopped the apocalypse, the man who'd stopped the leviathans from consuming and destroying the world. God would not want Dean Winchester dead; he didn't 'know too much', he wasn't a liability to the cause. Whatever Naomi's issue to Dean, it was because of his involvement with Castiel. She could sugarcoat it as much as she liked, but Cas wasn't an idiot, he wasn't created yesterday.

Castiel smiled sadly to himself, watching the sun sink slowly behind the horizon, enjoying the irony that some of God's most beautiful creations were made more beautiful by human's mistakes. He blinked and found the sky of blue, and, purple, and red, and orange, had been replaced with blinding white light. He hated this room; the clinically white walls, the reasons he was there for, the woman sat opposite him behind the desk.

"Castiel. Dean Winchester is still alive, why is this?"

Castiel frowned, resting his hands gingerly on his thighs. "I don't know."

"Don't play dumb with me, Castiel, I find it neither convincing or cute. Why haven't you killed Dean?!"

"Because I don't want to."

Naomi scowled. "You're an angel, you follow orders! You do as you're told!"

"No."

In an instant, Naomi flew around the desk, striking Castiel across the face, her long nails leaving angry red scratches along his cheek. "You'll do as I say, Castiel! The moment he calls your name you go to him! You drive your sword straight through his heart. Do I make myself clear?!"

Castiel nodded, blinking and finding himself back on his island. Letting out a quiet sob he slumped back against a tree, curling in on himself. By the end of the day Dean Winchester would be dead and there was nothing he could do about it.

It had just gone midnight when Dean's voice sounded in Castiel's mind, pleading, begging Cas to come back. Scrunching his eyes shut, Castiel let out a resigned sigh before fluttering to Dean's location. At the sound of wings Dean's head shot up, his eyes red and a little puffy.

"Cas?"

Cas said nothing, his angel blade slipping down into his hand. He could feel himself fighting inside, his body doing one thing whilst his mind screamed at him to stop. Dean's eyes flicked down to the blade, then back up to meet Cas' hard stare. He gulped audibly, his larynx bobbing as he slowly pulled himself to his feet.

"Cas, what's going on?"

Still not saying a word, Castiel reached out, his fingers curling around Dean's shoulder in a vice-like grip, marching him backwards until his back hit the wall. He could feel his grip around his blade faltering slightly, trying his best to stop himself. Dean continued to stare into the angel's eyes as if he was able to see his mind battling with itself. He nodded, reaching up to gently clasp at Cas' arm.

"I get it, Cas. I know this isn't you, but I swear, to whoever it is controlling you, we'll get them. We'll gank their sorry ass."

Cas' hand trembled as he raised his blade, the tip skimming across Dean's shirt. "Dean…"

"They should know by now, you can't simply kill a Winchester… It's okay, Cas. You… you do what you've got to do."

His eyes fluttered closed, the tip of Cas' blade pressing against his sternum. Castiel watched as a tear beaded in the corner of Dean's eye, he could feel his pulse racing beneath his fingers. Naomi's voice echoed through his head, urging him to do it. The tear finally fell, rolling down Dean's cheek, leaving a track in the dirt covering his face.

Cas' resolve finally crumbled; he dropped his blade, sobbing out Dean's name as he fisted his overshirt, burying his face into his chest. Dean's arms were around him in an instant, muttering soothing words into his hair, swiftly kicking the blade across the floor.

"Dean. I'm sorry. I can't… I don't know what's happening to me. I… I couldn't. Dean…"

Dean hushed him, slipping down the wall as Cas' legs gave way, keeping the angel bundled in his arms. "It's okay, Cas, you're okay. I'm here. I'm going to look after you. I'm here Cas."

Castiel looked up into Dean's eyes; both men had tears rolling down their cheeks. Dean forced a smile, pushing his hand through Cas' hair, cupping the back of his head. Cas reached up, cradling Dean's face between both of his hands, pressing their foreheads together.

"Dean, I… I need your help."

"Anything, Cas. Let me help you."

"I couldn't do it, Dean, I couldn't." Cas gazed into Dean's eyes, seeing right through to his soul, still shining as bright as it had in the depths of Hell. "I love you, I couldn't kill you… I love you!"

Dean let out a watery chuckle, pulling Cas' head to the crook of his neck, squeezing the angel tightly. "Thank fuck for that… I don't know if you'd noticed but… I love you too, Cas. I'm completely mental about you."

"You'll help me? Get rid of Naomi?"

"That bitch doesn't know what's coming to her. No one messes with my angel."

"Thank you, Dean."


End file.
